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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Swimsuit Season!

Day 151
Swimsuit Season


I can count on one hand the times that I have been HAPPY to refrain from purchasing clothes this year. It is swimsuit season and I, for one, am happy to not face the fitting room. The magazines generally begin the swimsuit countdown in March when all seems possible. Each cover boasts they they have uncovered the answer to the great mystery of all time, which swimsuit is perfect for each figure. In March, I believe it. I believe that I have simply chosen the wrong suits for all these years and this year I will look modern and hip, and be comfortable and supported. 
In April, the stores begin the serious stocking of swimwear. Rich, fabulous colors and patterns. Exotic textures and styles. Summer still seems a mile away and anything is possible. In May, swimwear is front and center. How did it get here so quickly? I don't think I ever lost that 10 pounds. But as long as the stores and magazines keep bragging that they've found the perfect suits, there's still hope.
At last, the days are warm, the sun is shining and pools and lakes beckon. It's time to choose one of those lovely suits and make my summer fashion debut! Combing through the racks, my biggest concern is which color looks best with a tan. And gosh, these look so small, but the tag says it my size ... hmmm ... this is supposed to be my perfect style.
I'm not sure which brain-trusts are charged with making a fitting room comfortable or flattering, but whoever decided that funhouse mirrors and sickly fluorescent lights makes swimsuits look good is not anyone I'd want to know. Somehow, the lighting seems to accentuate every ripple. And who sizes swimwear? Are they kidding? A slightly snug elastic can produce a protrusion of epic proportions! Things that should be covered aren't. Things that are supposed to make you appear 10 lbs. thinner are more like a sausage casing. You can't put 10 lbs. of sausage in a 5 lb. casing. And this isn't only in my discount stores! I actually had a bathing suit custom made one year in an effort to get it right. And it was wrong, wrong, wrong and the fitting room was lousy.
If I had a fitting room (and maybe I should ...) it would be different. First of all, I would only have the finest suits available, true to size and wildly flattering. Then, before trying on, each guest would enjoy a cocktail or a dose of prescription relaxant. A gentle layer of spray tan would be applied and a second cocktail enjoyed while it dries. Then, with fun tropical music playing at a moderate level, you would be escorted into a large, well appointing fitting suite. Lighting more akin to candlelight. A mirror tilted just so, one that gives the illusion of taller and thinner. A selection of fabulous sandals and fab beach covers at the ready. Then, if you choose, you could let a well trained associate oooh and ahhh and let you know that yes! You chose exactly the perfect suit. After that, it wouldn't matter! Your bathing suit vision would be sealed in place for the entire season. No matter the day, you will always see yourself as you looked in the magic fitting room. You will be confident and have a blast! 
If I can think this up, how hard can it be? Really? Since the magic fitting room doesn't exist (yet), I'll just count myself super-lucky that I don;t have to buy a bathing suit this year! 

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