So what's wrong with that? From one of my favorite quotes (Marianne Williamson)
"Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone."
I have finally realized that it's not trying to be perfect that is the problem. Before I try to be perfect, I have to decide what perfect is. For too long, I have tried to live up to many brands of perfection. How I look as dictated by fashion magazines. How I parent based of widely spread, false ideals. How I work by letting too many opinions define my measure of success. I am finally, after a half century, trying to be my own brand of perfect. I am finding, much to my relief and delight, that perfect lies in the imperfect.
I have found that my perfect wardrobe does not contain the optimal, impeccable outfit for each and every occasion. My wardrobe is manageable with good basics. My closet is neat. I know what I like and what I feel good in. I glean far more satisfaction from this than the split second joy in feeling like my outfit is the best.
I am no longer trying to implement a documented decorating style in our home. I simply surround us with stuff we love. Not stuff in fashion, but trinkets from vacations, kid's art and family photographs. I am even learning to revel in the worn-ness of it. The stained sofa, the frayed rugs and the scuffed walls. Who knows, I may come to a day when everyday clean is considered "company clean" (although I doubt that one).
My attention deficit is a marvelous thing. My unconventional children are interesting. My work, though difficult to define, is rewarding. I will continue to implement as many of my crazy ideas as humanly possible. This is my brand of perfect. So, find your brand of perfect and be perfect.